I know how you feel, Kristen. I've been there through these growing pains a few times in my life. It's sad to say, but I really didnt learn what you're learning about yourself right now until my husband died. I went from college to living with the parents again to meeting my husband, and then marrying my husband without any time really on my own, having to rely on myself, knowing if I could do so. When he died, in addition to the horrible sorrow I felt, I was scared for my life. Could I manage my bills all by myself? Could I handle living on my own and paying my way? It was very scary. And I spent a lot of time not knowing who I really was. Especially since I had my husband's last name--it didnt mean anything to me anymore without him.
I moved myself to Colorado, an environment where I had to completely rely on myself and, agian, I was never so scared in my entire life because I was so far way from family and friends if I needed help. I grew up a lot in the last seven years since my husband died... I've had to figure out who I am and how to manage myself. I'm not saying that my husband dying was a good thing (like your trip to Austria is) but it was a painful, scary, yet rewarding growing point in my life. Even though it was a situation I didnt choose (and certainly would prefer it never happened).
I know what it feels like to be alone in a strange country, too. I only have gone to Europe in two week spurts, but going there, both times, was a trial of myself because normally I would go somewhere like that with more knowledgeable people who would guide me around so that I wouldnt have to do all the scary work. But when I decided that I wanted to see Europe and that I couldnt wait around until I met the next husband in my life (which may never happen), I decided to take the jump and go myself no matter how scary it was. And it was a huge thing for me to just learn to do something that huge on my own... But I grew in the experience and am now a less fearful traveler because I know what to expect. I've grown a little because now I'm someone who can handle the fear and find the adventure in it.
I know these experiences are only a little like what you're talking about... but I totally relate with what you're saying. You're so lucky to have life-altering experiences like this so young and without tragedy surrounding it to force you to grow up... ;)
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I moved myself to Colorado, an environment where I had to completely rely on myself and, agian, I was never so scared in my entire life because I was so far way from family and friends if I needed help. I grew up a lot in the last seven years since my husband died... I've had to figure out who I am and how to manage myself. I'm not saying that my husband dying was a good thing (like your trip to Austria is) but it was a painful, scary, yet rewarding growing point in my life. Even though it was a situation I didnt choose (and certainly would prefer it never happened).
I know what it feels like to be alone in a strange country, too. I only have gone to Europe in two week spurts, but going there, both times, was a trial of myself because normally I would go somewhere like that with more knowledgeable people who would guide me around so that I wouldnt have to do all the scary work. But when I decided that I wanted to see Europe and that I couldnt wait around until I met the next husband in my life (which may never happen), I decided to take the jump and go myself no matter how scary it was. And it was a huge thing for me to just learn to do something that huge on my own... But I grew in the experience and am now a less fearful traveler because I know what to expect. I've grown a little because now I'm someone who can handle the fear and find the adventure in it.
I know these experiences are only a little like what you're talking about... but I totally relate with what you're saying. You're so lucky to have life-altering experiences like this so young and without tragedy surrounding it to force you to grow up... ;)